What if my pain is a weapon?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things we walk through. Unexpected paths and detours in life steer us into directions we never anticipated, places we never thought we’d land, and even land we never thought we would build upon.

But daily, here we are.

Wondering how we got here. Why things happened this way? The hurt, the sorrow, the changes.

How did a path that seemed so perfectly curated for me lead me to a fork in the road, urging my way to a choice?

A decision was made here, not necessarily by our own will but by that of circumstance and collective communion of something that led us to turn down one road or another.

I think about things in my life that have caused me hurt. The pain, it runs deep.

Experiences run through my veins like oxygen in my blood. Moments in time stop me in my tracks and, how many times I have said if I could only turn back time and do it over.

Pain can be like a snowball. Maybe all you know is pain, heartbreak for what was, and heartache for what may never be. You experience pain somewhere in your life. It opens your eyes to the sheer sadness surrounding you. And then, your pain vision is increased. Everything seems to come at you, feeling harder, deeper, and filled with unmet expectations and grief. The snowball grows, and so does your experience of pain.

And you wonder.

Is this my life?

Just one giant joy ride of painful situations?

Or maybe, my pain serves a purpose.

Maybe I can see and experience so clearly the things that attempt to bind me because they are my biggest weapon of warfare.

What if every painful experience I’ve walked through in my life is a weapon sheathed atop my back and not a target?

And within lies wisdom, grace, and goodness only the Father can provide.

What if I have been entrusted to carry the weapons to fight the brokenness the world has promised, not so that I Can be surrounded in grief, but so that I can surround grief with hope, and the promises that He is still good, even when it hurts.